Dear Mom: You're the Real MVP

 

A sassy love letter from Floss, Fluoride, and Toothbrush, because we see you, girl.

Hey Mom,

Yeah, we’re talking to you—the woman who hasn’t had a hot cup of coffee since 2019 but still remembers to yell “BRUSH YOUR TEETH” before 8am.

We’re your ride-or-die squad—Toothbrush, Floss, and Fluoride—and we just wanted to say:
You. Are. EVERYTHING.

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Toothbrush here—your main squeeze:

Look, I know I’ve been through some things. I’ve been dropped in the toilet (rude), chewed on by a toddler (disturbing), and left bristle-down in a drawer with questionable crumbs. But you still pick me up like the oral hygiene goddess you are.

You make tooth-brushing happen while packing lunches, yelling about mismatched socks, and answering emails. You're multitasking like it's an Olympic sport and I am HERE FOR IT.

And when your kid tries to fake-brush and leave the bathroom 12 seconds in? Ohhh no. You drag them back like, “Try again, sugarplum. This ain’t your first plaque battle.”

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It’s me—Floss. The forgotten one. The underdog.

Let’s not pretend I’m your favorite. I live in the back of a drawer next to expired ChapStick and that weird nail file. BUT—you’ve been showing up lately, and I just wanna say, I see you.

You bust me out when you mean business.
The night before the dentist? It’s floss-o-clock.
Your kid has braces? Suddenly I’m floss threader royalty.
Popcorn kernels? You summon me like a warrior queen.

You even try to teach your kids to floss like it’s part of their inheritance. Honestly, it kind of is.

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Fluoride here, baby. The smooth one.

I’m not loud. I’m not flashy. But I am the magic behind the scenes, like Beyoncé’s wind machine.

You make sure your toothpaste has the right kind. You nod knowingly when the dentist says “topical application.” You even try to sneak me into mouth rinses like a mom-ninja. (Respect.)

You're not here for cavities. You're here for sparkling, cavity-resistant, built-to-last enamel. And I salute that level of commitment.

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 So yeah, Mom. You’re a boss.

You schedule the dental appointments 6 months out and actually remember them. You bribe your kids with stickers and mini dinosaurs just to get them to brush for the full two minutes. And you? You brush after your coffee. That’s next-level discipline.

We know it’s thankless.
We know they complain.
We know someone cried over mint toothpaste last week.

But you kept going.
You always keep going.

You're the reason these kids still have teeth to smile with.
You are the floss-flipping, cavity-crushing, toothpaste-pumping MVP of the house.

So from the bottom of our tartar-free hearts,
We love you. We need you. We’d literally be useless without you.

Yours in hygiene and sass,
Toothbrush, Floss, & Fluoride
🦷💋